Fallen Star

First of three poems

Life is what you make it
Though I think I messed it up
I look at my hands and think I see blood
Though inside my veins or out on my palms
I cannot seem to tell anymore
For its lost its definition far gone from the nights
When the stars in their order
Danced in their circles
Of beautiful, fresh-found, soothing lights
Where trips to the zoo defined
Clearly cut
Those animals captured and held in their cage
I feel for them now
Bred for the wild, though can it be true?
When love ushers forth and life comes anew
What purity existed fresh formed in this face
Back in the time when the world was my crib
Man, the world seemed much smaller
But then, life got bigger—too big
For this soul
And innocence was left for the
Curious, new and darkened unknowns

It’s been so long since I’ve chased the sun
And fallen for its handsome rays
I weary of these cloudy days
Which once seemed welcome for their shade
But winter’s long despondency grows
Alone amidst the environs of death
And chills my heart like a cold, hard headstone
That sits six feet up and holds memoired life
Continually before my eyes

Dusk sweeps up and takes one by surprise
When he’s constantly moving
Constantly chasing those fallen lies
Of life and exoticism and knowledge unnoticed
And existentialism becomes his death sentence
For you are what you eat and I’ve eaten too much
Too much of the fast food the media forces
Down my throat
The happy meal’s long gone to the birds
That fluttered and faltered to fall into tears
When the heavens sent rain
I wish that I could fly in that flock
Migrate away from the cold winter’s claws
This constant, wretched coldness drives me insane
I long to feel that warmth again

But where is the path that I made to get here
It falls behind me confined in the fog
Like the misty minded madness of my refusal
To the hands reaching out
Bodies appear to pull my corpse out
Yet I turn
Cuz it’s habitual now
“Crazy madman what are you doing?
Reach for the sun, pull yourself out!”
“Be gone Father Time,
Though you seem to grow older,
You’ve been old for so long
It’s all
The same to me now”

But yet it falls back to the same
Disturbing, habitual days
Of hunger and heartache, heartbreaking hurt
There has to be some way
To fall back in the light
To fall back in the arms of the loved ones who care
Back to the days when I still laughed out loud
Back to the ways that still made my dad proud
Back to my life before I screwed it all up
Away from the strife of this cold bitter cup
Back to the dreams of learning to fly
Back to the gleam I once held in her eye
Back to the heart that had never felt sin
Back to the start to feel happy again

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